I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
