I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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