Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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