Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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