Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
