I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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