Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize