It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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