I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
