i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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