I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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