i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
