at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
