So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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