ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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