you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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