Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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