You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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