There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
