Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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