May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
