i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is her dick bigger than yours?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
