Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
