I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
