i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
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I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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