i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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