i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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