i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
