Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
