Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
