Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
