"it" just moved
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
