yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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