I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
