In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
