Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
