I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
