I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
is that a dick in a sweater?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
