This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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