a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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