wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
