Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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