i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I cut my penus on the lid.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
