Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
