i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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