i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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