Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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