guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
