I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
