jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
