One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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