Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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