i permit you to call me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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