Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We smell like vodka and hangover
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