I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
