im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize