Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
