addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
