i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
