Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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