I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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