I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
