you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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