I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
