would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
