Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
