....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
not ubering you a puppy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
