I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
