Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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