I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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