I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
