Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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