someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
