i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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