i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
