Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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