im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my shit smells like andre
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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